Authenticity is a reoccurring theme with my clients lately. Itโs also becoming part of the corporate landscape. Organizational cultures are integrating authenticity into their corporate values and encouraging executives, leaders, and individual contributors alike to โbring their authentic selvesโ into the workplace. While this is a positive thing it does require a few parameters, that if not considered can lead to derailment.
This is typically how the authenticity conversation begins, โIโm encouraged to be my authentic self, then Iโm told Iโm too โฆโ You fill in the blank. As the frequency of these conversations increase Iโve begun to think about authenticity in two forms โ raw and refined. This viewpoint seems to resonate. In its raw form, we simply show up with little thought about the quality of the experience that weโre creating for others when they interact with us. There is no malicious intent, weโre just being ourselves. In its refined form, we think about how we want others to think, feel, and respond to us as a result of the interaction. We are intentional about the experience we want to create.
Consider this as an example, โIโm encouraged to be my authentic self, then Iโm told that Iโm too direct. On one hand, sharing what you think or believe to be true can leave someone feeling embarrassed, angry, or inadequate. On the other hand, sharing what you think or believe to be true can encourage a conversation, stimulate an exchange of ideas, motivate someone to take action or re-evaluate their thinking. In both cases youโve been direct about your thinking, but your approach will affect how the person on the receiving end will be left thinking and feeling. Infusing directness with thoughtfulness and empathy (#Emotional Intelligence) can change your brand from โtoo directโ to โopen, honest, and diplomatic.โ It is a matter of distinguishing your message from your delivery.
Meet Vanessa. Vanessa is an intelligent woman (Iโm sure her IQ is off the charts). Her colleagues are quick to acknowledge her mental prowess and the professional competence she displays in her field. Vanessa has a natural presence that commands a room, which is envied by others. Her performance is impeccable, but her style is questionable. Vanessa gets in her own way. In her defense, Vanessa is simply being herself. When asked her opinion, she gives it โ raw, straight up, no chaser. Her expectations of others are the same as those she holds for herself โ high. When not met, her feedback is swift and to the point; but it leaves direct reports, key stakeholders, peers, colleagues, and sometimes even her boss afraid to โget it wrong.โ In its raw form, Vanessaโs authentic self can be off-putting. She also has a sense of humor that others rarely experience and a sensitivity known only to those closest to her.
My questions to Vanessa are, โAs a leader in your organization, how do you want people to perceive you?โ “What attributes of your brand do you want to be known for?” Something changes when you begin to see yourself through the lens of a brand; the pivot makes more sense. In Vanessa’s case, Iโd suggest exploring the components of the SEEM model.
State your intention. Share that โIt is my intention to have an open, honest, and free flowing conversation.โ
Expose Yourself. Share that, โIโve been accused of being too direct sometimes. If it feels that way to you, please let me know.โ
Engage. Invite the person you are speaking with into the conversation. โIโve got some thoughts, but Iโd love to hear your thinking.โ Blend in those aspects of yourself that others donโt often see. Look for opportunities to appropriately infuse humor, or share a story that conveys your point of view and communicates your โpassion.โ
Manage Yourself. Pay attention to the nonverbal behavior of the person with whom you are speaking. Observe their body language, facial expressions, eye contact, and tone of voice. Let that inform your approach and pivot as needed. If you are not sure what you are observing, ask again โWhat are your thoughts?โ โHow do you feel about this?โ Look for opportunities to genuinely empathize. Stay positive, regardless of the energy you get in return. Doing so will ensure that your authenticity does not become the issue.
If Vanessaโs scenario sounds familiar itโs because her experience is a common challenge. Vanessa is actually a composite of several client profiles blended with some of my own experiences. There are many different scenarios to consider when it comes to authenticity refinement. Whatever the circumstances, one thing is for sure, authenticity refinement is an active process and it must be intentional.
