From Life to Lessons – Living & Leading with Emotional Intelligence Conversation and Connection: Own Your Story

“When you work with someone long enough and form a relationship, they become curious: they want to learn more about you.  This is not meant to be an invasion of privacy or a hunt for information to use against you later.  It is a desire to connect and establish common...Read More

“The inexperience of youth gives us the freedom to ask the hard questions even when the answers are harder to hear.  Over time, our concerns about what people will think overshadows the freedom of our youth.  We become hesitant to share our truth or ask the hard questions.  Our concern produces...Read More

Meditate and exercise. When pressure mounts, leaders often focus their priority on achievement and neglect their well-being. Meditation and exercise boost stress tolerance and optimism, both of which help you to refocus attention and manage competing priorities. Ensure proper rest and community engagement. Use flexibility to ensure you receive proper sleep to...Read More

Prioritize responsibilities. Prioritize tasks according to importance, and tackle obligations in order of impact on organizational goals. Address the most significant issues objectively and implement fact-based solutions. Change your mindset.  When you feel compelled to shoulder the responsibility for achieving the strategic vision of the organization, use problem solving to reduce...Read More

Set boundaries and leave work at the office. When work continually intrudes on your personal life, quality of life suffers at the expense of your happiness.  Activate your assertiveness skills to address unreasonable workloads (as much as appropriate) and demonstrate flexibility by taking breaks, breaking for lunch, and signing off in the...Read More

Increased collaboration creates buzz throughout the organization about you.  Over time, people will be talking about you in a good way when you are not around. With whom should you be collaborating?  If you were to create a list of thought partners, who would be included? Click here to purchase...Read More

A lot of people do not realize that many organizations consider resilience a core competency of leadership. You cannot demonstrate resilience without experiencing failure. The courage to fail grows out of your willingness to be vulnerable.

When it comes to your career, it is about “who knows you.” Take advantage of opportunities to cultivate relationships with peers, colleagues and senior leaders.  You can learn a lot (and share a lot) about someone (and yourself) in the time it takes to walk to the cafeteria to grab...Read More

The more exposure people have to different aspects of your personality, the more they will understand you.  In the absence of information, people will create their own stories.  It is hard as hell to deconstruct an inaccurate perception.  Manage perceptions by freely sharing who you are… with boundaries.

The day my leader informed me that her boss thought I was incompetent felt like a gut punch.  My heart leaped from my chest to my throat and anguish flooded my body.  I do not remember anything beyond her comment. As I walked out of the meeting room, flashbacks of...Read More

The executive search firm Heidrick & Struggles conducted interviews to explore the trends of C-level success.  One consistent finding across C-level roles surfaced. Once people reach the C-suite, technical and functional expertise matters less than leadership skills and a strong grasp of business fundamentals. Members of senior management are expected...Read More

A final component in the McKinsey report on successful C-level transitions dealt with self-management.  Just over half of the executives in the study reported they spent too little time preparing for the personal demands and their own readiness in the new positions. The executives with the most successful transitions, however,...Read More

One aspect of the McKinsey study that explored successful transitions into the C-suite looked at culture. It is an aspect of the transition process that can pose a challenge. Many executives believed they did not have accurate ways to measure or even describe it. This was especially true for external hires....Read More

C-level executives in the McKinsey study on the successful transition to the C-suite acknowledge they did not have all the answers when they began their new positions. Most executives in the study said they relied on the input of their direct reports when determining solutions to the strategic problems they...Read More

Executives in the McKinsey study on what factors contribute to the successful transition into the C-suite, ranked business-related activities as the most impactful.  The majority of executives said it was “very or extremely important to create a shared vision and alignment around their strategic direction across the organization.” Executives reporting...Read More

Demonstrate Vulnerability Leaders who successfully lead and develop diverse talent are students of vulnerability.  They let their guard down, put aside pretenses and share their stories to establish common ground.  These leaders are comfortable with not having all the answers, they listen actively, and freely embrace the perspectives, opinions, and...Read More

Sponsor “the Risk” The conversation regarding the advancement of diverse talent is often thought of in terms of risk.  Leaders that successfully lead and develop diverse talent willingly sponsor “the risk.”  They understand that the perceived risk is no more or less than it would be for other individuals.  They...Read More

Challenge stereotypical thinking Leaders who successfully lead diverse talent have the courage to challenge the biased thinking of others. Negative comments and jokes targeting specific groups are squelched; and micro-aggressions are called out, not ignored. I was once in the presence of a leader who suggested that what was interpreted by one...Read More

Participation in experiences that broaden perspective The efforts of leaders that demonstrate success leading diverse talent are often supported by their organizations through professional and leadership development experiences that raise awareness and influence perspective.  These leaders willingly participate in internal training like Unconscious Bias which broadens their perspective and shifts their thinking. ...Read More

Expanded exposure and visibility – It takes a village Leaders who successfully lead diverse talent understand that they do not have all the answers and they provide access to their internal network for additional support. These leaders understand that retention, development, and advancement of diverse talent are organizational responsibilities that...Read More

Consistent feedback and coaching with clearly stated intentions for success The ability to deal with ambiguity is an organizational competency that too often leads to derailment. Leaders that demonstrate success leading diverse talent ensure role clarity by clearly communicating expectations and identifying key stakeholders. They initiate honest conversations about what success...Read More

A study conducted by Francesca Gino, a professor at Harvard Business School, revealed that people tend to move away from those who provide feedback that is more negative than their view of themselves. They do not listen to their advice and prefer to stop interacting with them altogether. When it...Read More

How you respond to negative feedback can be the difference between success and derailment.  The key is to not confuse feedback about your behavior with feedback about who you are. No one is good at everything.  Consequently, we are all bound to get constructive feedback at some point in our lives....Read More

“She said she wanted honest feedback.  When I give her feedback, she gets defensive and shuts down the conversation.”  These were the words of a frustrated leader whose senior leader opened the door to feedback and then quickly shut the door when the feedback was provided. While many leaders understand the...Read More

In her book Radical Candor, Kim Scott describes feedback in this way:  Positive feedback should help people know what success looks like.  It should “communicate explicitly what is valued and give people a chance to repeat success. It is not about making people feel good.”  On the other hand, constructive feedback should “help...Read More

A team that works collaboratively works like a well-oiled machine.  Interdependent relationships are enhanced, communication is heightened, and accountability is high.  As your team’s leader, what have you done lately to promote cooperation within the team?  If you haven’t given it much thought here are three suggestions: Conduct update meetings that help team...Read More

Under times of stress you may rely less on your objectivity and fall victim to fearing the worse or you could swing to the other extreme and take a rose-colored glasses approach. If you worry about catastrophes, remember that sometimes the best actions involve risks. Don’t be limited by worst-case...Read More

The basic premise of emotional intelligence is the better one manages their emotions, the more effective they will be personally and professionally. Managing one’s emotions includes the ability to summons specific emotions to achieve desired outcomes. Consider this fact, positive emotions have been shown to expand the scope of a person’s...Read More

Impulse control is the ability to think before acting. Low impulse control is characterized by: The tendency to jump to hasty conclusions An “act now, think later” approach to solving problems and making decisions Being overly talkative or controlling in meetings and conversations Regular moments of regret, perhaps wishing you...Read More

Leaders who effectively express their emotions use words and physical expressions to communicate their feelings in a constructive way. This helps to build the authentic relationships that contribute to successful leadership. Consider the leader whose facial expression appears to communicate a particular feeling before he utters a word or the leader whose poker face...Read More

When leaders have a solid understanding of what triggers their emotions they can manage themselves and control the impact their emotions have on others. I once worked for a leader whose emotions could be triggered by something as simple as a question that he did not like. His aggressive and condescending response would silence the room. People became hesitant...Read More

Confident leaders maintain a full and honest view of their strengths and limitations. It is this balanced view that fuels their self-confidence.  They lead with their strengths and delegate tasks that can be accomplished more effectively by others.  They exercise considerable influence on strategic decisions, serve as role models, and demonstrate the...Read More

While interpersonal relationships are considered the medium through which leaders gain buy-in, trust, and the resources needed to reach their goals,  the importance of a leader’s ability to form strong relationships within his or her team cannot be understated.  As a leader, the more you strengthen your interpersonal skills, the better you’ll be...Read More

High performing leaders pursue purpose and enjoyment in their work.  The pursuit of purpose creates fulfillment that motivates these leaders to always be on the lookout for ways to optimize their own talents and the talents of their teams.  Leaders that pursue purpose challenge their teams with high standards and inspire them...Read More

Leaders are not infallible.  Given the scope of their work and the magnitude of their decisions it goes without saying that a few mistakes are inevitable every now and then.  Mistakes, however, should not be used to de-value one’s sense of self-worth. Even the most soundly planned and researched business deals and...Read More

Maintaining mutually beneficial relationships can have immeasurable returns, in terms of providing a supportive network to buffer the negative effects of stress, and promoting a positive team and corporate culture. When relationships are not as strong as they could be, a leader’s impact on the organization may be marginal. Loyal...Read More

How would you rate your approachability? As you think about your answer, consider the extent to which others would say that you have an “open door” policy.  Visibility and accessibility are components of approachability. People need to know that they can get to you when needed.  Transparency, another aspect of approachability...Read More

In the context of emotional intelligence, being independent means that a leader is capable of feeling, thinking, and working on his/her own.  Leaders that exhibit strength in this area welcome or request guidance from others, but usually make the ultimate decision.  They also accept responsibility for their decisions and mistakes,...Read More

Leaders need more than just problem-solving skills, they need to work with problems where emotions are involved and recognize how their emotions impact their decisiveness. Leaders with strong problem solving abilities tackle problems head on without being distracted by their emotions. If this is a strength, you likely approach problem...Read More

Impulse Control is the ability to show restraint in the face of impulses and temptations to act.  Leaders with high impulse control think before acting, which puts people at ease and promotes a feeling that the leader’s behavior and mood are easily predictable. This results in open and honest communication. Leaders...Read More

I remember the time a senior leader said something during a small group conversation that motivated me to ask if he had an alter ego. He enthusiastically answered “Yes!”  He then shared that he calls his alter ego Nomar, which is his first name spelled backwards. As he talked about Nomar’s persona,...Read More

As much as we all absolutely hate to be judged and evaluated by others, at some point we have all done just that to someone else. Even if we don’t speak the words going through our heads, our thoughts can be felt.  A person’s view of the world may not be the same...Read More

In some ways email has disabled our ability to connect with one another in the workplace.  We can all think of a time when we or someone we worked with “hid” behind an email rather than demonstrate the courage to have a real conversation. The intentionality of connection can disrupt...Read More

While it is often said that “it’s lonely at the top,” there are things that leaders can do to minimize that feeling of isolation. Something as simple as praising a peer on an accomplishment can cultivate an optimistic and encouraging atmosphere. Additionally, opting for “interaction over transaction” can have a positive impact on goal achievement,...Read More

Individuals that lead differently understand the responsibility that leaders have for developing their people.  Delegation can be a powerful development tool.  Done well, it garners positive results.  It frees up the leader for more strategic pursuits and contributes to the organization’s leadership pipeline. Developmental delegation does, however, require thoughtful planning.  The leader must...Read More

The quality of a leader’s personal relationships (with family and friends) is indicative of his/her ability to form professional relationships that drive team performance, and stimulate collaboration and innovation among peers, key stakeholders, and co-workers. As you read this article, think about a personal relationship that requires your attention or...Read More

Leaders often feel compelled to take on a great deal of responsibility to achieve the strategic vision of the organization.  Moving into the new year, try harnessing the power of delegation to lighten the load. Is it possible to assign tasks to your team to help lessen the burden of...Read More

Ideally, optimism is rooted in rational thought and logic.  As you move into the New Year with positive thoughts about what’s possible, check to ensure that your optimism is appropriately grounded. Consider asking for feedback on your goals to ensure that they are realistic; reflect on past successes and the...Read More

When pressure mounts, leaders often focus their priority on achievement and neglect their well-being. Be kind to yourself. Use meditation and exercise to boost your stress tolerance and your optimism.  Both will help you focus, manage your energy, and handle competing priorities. I often recommend the CALM app, which provides...Read More

Work is an essential component for leaders in every organization.  However, work should not consistently over shadow other aspects of a leader’s life. We are only capable of taking on so much before physical and emotional resources are depleted. The more responsibility a leader shoulders the more important it is to pay...Read More

When leaders sacrifice themselves continuously to their jobs they can become trapped in what is known as the Sacrifice Syndrome.  The Sacrifice Syndrome is the result of heavy responsibilities, the perpetual need to influence, and the pressure to get results.  Sacrifice leads to Power Stress, a unique blend of stress...Read More

We operate from three forms of energy – physical, emotional, and mental.  Our energy in each of these areas becomes depleted as a result of not getting enough rest (physical energy), pushing the envelope on a project without a break (mental energy), or dealing with the stress that results from perpetual...Read More

When leaders demonstrate compassion, they understand the wants and needs of their people and feel motivated to act on their feelings.  Compassion is empathy and caring in action. Empathy begins with curiosity about other people and their experiences; and leadership effectiveness is heighten when leaders work to understand other people...Read More

As we move into the end of the fourth quarter, it’s easy to become laser focused on what needs to be accomplished by year end.  While all of this is important, remember to balance the work with relationship building.  Remaining conscious of this balance will ensure that you are visible across...Read More

Empathy is an important aspect of relationship building. One’s ability to recognize, understand, and appreciate the way others feel is a core emotional intelligence skill.  Empathy sits at the heart of all effective relationships.  When you know a colleague at a personal level you will better understand what impacts their emotions...Read More

We are all multidimensional. Texture gives our dimensions character. An individual’s texture is created by the things that give them energy, their activities, interests and passions.  Texture is also developed by perspective, which is the result of experience; and emotion, how we respond to our experiences. When others experience our...Read More

The demands of leadership are diverse and can make it challenging to determine what and who gets your time and attention.  However, access to the leader is critical to a team’s success, even when you are leading people who are highly skilled, self-directed, and able to make things happen. I’m reminded...Read More

The stories that reveal the most about us are usually the ones we would rather not share. Sometimes they are embarrassing, too painful, or make us feel vulnerable.  I  recently had a conversation with a leader who had experienced a challenging year.  His son was in a car accident and he...Read More

Imagine a line between the words passive and aggressive; assertiveness lives at the midpoint of that line. It is the sweet spot; the place where you work with others by finding the right words at the right time to express your feelings and thoughts. To ensure that you don’t sway too...Read More

Brand is rooted in authenticity. This means that before you can establish your personal brand you must be self-aware, and understand how you relate to the world and how the world relates to you.  You’ll know when you’re there because your level of self-acceptance will require no affirmation.  Your brand is your trademark.  Every...Read More

Build time into your calendar for a “Listening Tour.”  It is a great way for you to engage your colleagues in a spirit of cooperation. Plan time to meet with other leaders in different parts of the business.  Have a few questions ready that cover key challenges, areas of strength and weakness, and major threats...Read More

What have you done recently to promote cooperation within your team? A team that works collaboratively operates like a well-oiled machine. Try conducting team meetings that promote an environment of information sharing through individual updates. Ask each person to move beyond providing information by also sharing how other members of...Read More

Success as a leader requires the ability to help each member of the team perform at their absolute best. It goes without saying that a focus on team performance will increase individual and team potential.  It will also allow you – the leader – to guide your team toward enhanced outcomes...Read More

The title of leader comes with quite a few assumptions.  We assume that our leaders are smart, qualified, strong, powerful, and all knowing.  These assumptions impose a way of being that leaves little room for someone in a leadership role to simply be human.  What comes to mind are the...Read More

Social responsibility calls for leaders to act in an ethical and responsible manner, promote the greater good, and to be a strong voice in their teams, organizations, and communities. Leaders can demonstrate strong social responsibility inside the organization by finding ways to coach and inspire their teams, and recognize the needs...Read More

On-going performance coaching is a great way to build trust. When members of your team are comfortable seeking you out for support, guidance and advocacy, it suggests that they trust you to provide wise counsel and direction when needed.  Asking for help is perceived as a position of weakness by many...Read More

Leadership is not a solo act.  It is for that reason, effective leaders make an effort to gain a clear understanding of the individuals on their team. Understanding cultivates trust.  Achieving understanding at an individual level takes time. The rewards, however, show up in commitment, loyalty, enhanced performance, and quality relationships...Read More

We would all agree that building resilient and trusting relationships with all people, regardless of your feelings toward them, is crucial to navigating an organization’s political landscape. Doing so promotes perceptions of positively and trustworthiness; and this contributes to personal success and effective leadership. It is always a good idea to assess...Read More

There is a French concept called “Noblesse Oblige.”  It basically means with privilege comes duty.  In many ways, the opportunity to lead is a privilege. Among the many responsibilities that come with the privilege of leadership is “mood management.” In his book, Primal Leadership: Realizing the Power of Emotional Intelligence,...Read More

We all have moments of self-doubt.  You’ve taken on a “quantum leap” career opportunity; you’ve been asked to lead an initiative with very little knowledge, familiarity, or resources; you’ve got a new boss who questions everything you do; or you’ve dropped the ball on something significant with huge business or...Read More

A growing body of research suggests that the most effective way to influence and lead is to begin with warmth.  Warmth is proving to be the conduit of influence and appears to facilitate trust and the communication and absorption of ideas.  Small nonverbal signals, such as a nod, a smile,...Read More

Members of trusting teams demonstrate Vulnerability-Based trust.  This level of trust requires team members to make themselves vulnerable to one another without fear that their vulnerabilities (weaknesses, skill deficiencies, mistakes, requests for help) will be used against them.  To cultivate vulnerability-based trust the leader must him/herself demonstrate vulnerability and create...Read More